i'm feeling melancholic. this feeling always magnifies when i'm all alone at night reflecting the day - if there's anything i can do better.

more often than not, there are lots of things that i could. and this makes me depressed thinking why didn't i do these things better than.

like i've been losing my temper so frequently at dar - always wanting to do things my way, not listening to any of his suggestions or alternatives, sending everything that went wrong his way, nothing is my fault, commanding him here and there.

he's the best thing that happen to me and has been pretty very extraordinarily wonderful to me (i hope i'm not boosting his ego if he ever reads this, yes, he don't read my blog normally).

but i think humans are very contemptible. the nicer one is to the other, the other tend to take it for granted. then when being treated the opposite way, the other become nice back. its hardly always one nice and the other nice back.

i shall resolve from this minute onwards to be nice. very nice. very very nice. and i sincerely hope he will be very very very nice back.

my very buddy fellow colleague was reading my blog and he says i've got a problem because i like taking pictures of myself and putting it up. come to think of it, that was really narcistic of me. but that is also a common personality trait of people whom blog.

it may not be a strong and obvious characteristic in some. however, i believe this streak of personality is in a blogger, just to what extent - xiax*e vs xiaoluo. the first talks about herself all day long. the latter talks about the world, the news, the books and a tiny tiny tiny bit of himself.

i've tried to justify to say i haven't been doing that for the longest time. but actually, the real reason why you haven't seen any of my pics is because i've haven't been taking lots of pictures of myself and even if i had, i'm too lazy to upload it. *bleahz*

and maybe, i'm growing older everyday and less narcistic? i really don't know.

what i do know is, i keep this blog alive to keep in touch with friends whom i hardly meet, albeit its pretty one-way as i'm sharing about my life nitty gritties, up-and-downs, frustrations, complains etc etc. two-ways occasionally when i've got comments. and three-way when i read the blogs of friends and know whats going on in their lives.

it also serves as my personal space to share my thoughts, vent my anger and give my 2 cents worth of whatever issue was fashionable.

re-reading the past also brings back lots of warm memories. like i just spent the last hour reading my archives, reminiscing some of the good old days. this is what keeps my memory of myself alive...

'yes, bryan tan hong kwee, this post is dedicated to your comment to me this morning, i love blogging and i think you should start one too!'

let's ping it!

edit @ 11.39pm : ok, i suck at technology. i ping-ed it all wrong. :( will try to do it correctly with the next post!

i'm getting fat. its true.

uncle neighbour : wa, congrats! expecting 2nd baby ar. good la, about time.
me : what.the.#$%^&*#$%^&xzyabctuv.

i already burn that set of clothes i was wearing. it must be the clothes.

but actually how to not get fat you tell me when i'm going to have dinner only at 11pm at least 3 times a week since i'm starting my lessons this week? that's like supper and you know what the experts say about not eating 3 hours before you sleep and suppers are a confirmed guarantee plus 20 chop sure get fat because the body slows down when you sleep and it takes a long time to burn up the fats and low metabolism rate as well and blah blah blah.

like i just ate 3 bbq chicken wings and a bag of fries with a can of coke contemplating if i should go on to my 2nd can. and i'm like yawning when typing this.

pretty glad though i'm not the only one whom's going to mug like mad sooooon. though everyone's in different courses and most probably different assignments and exam timelines but i guess we could all study together at one point or another or just motivate one another. especially this time round, many of them is like me - work and study. yay~ i'm not suffering alone. ha-ha.

come come, lets all form a study group... =)

what a beatiful lazy sunny sunday......10 minutes ago. now is what a boring hot everythingnotnice sunday.

just had a swim and feeling relaxed and wonderful till i got pissed and now everything just sucks. had lots to blog about when i was in a good mood but all the stuff that i wanted to say just vanished when moodiness crept into me.

mind's now in a blank and when i log-on blogspot to create a post, i totally had no idea what to blog. waiting for the seconds to tick by so that i can get more pissed later.

its so true woman's mood can swing from one end to the other in a matter of nanosecond.

grrrrrrrrrrrrr...